Puppy Love

14/12/2017


Boy oh boy, I had to think hard on how and where I should start. I saved this post to draft, left it empty for months, and I finally decided to talk about it today — still not quite sure how to put all my thoughts in words, but I'm just gonna keep writing.

I guess I didn't have the courage to talk about it since I have always been told that I'm too young for it. This guilt deep down in me where I think that I don't have the "right" to talk about it still stucks with me. It makes me anxious to talk about it as I'm afraid that people on the internet would tell me off by saying "You should be focusing on your studies rather than this", just like what my older family members would tell me. Because its like a preschooler talking about that boy who held her hand on a birthday party, right? I'm fully aware that my education should come first before all these, and I hope you can understand that I'm just a girl who wants to let out all her thoughts that she wasn't able to in real life.

If I were to bring up a conversation related to dating, chances are, my mother would tell me how teenagers go through puberty — how they'd fantasize about how beautiful and cool it'd be to get into a relationship. Being the virgo I am, I think I know it all. I remember telling my mom "I'm definitely not one of those girl who'd cry over a guy", to which she replied "It's too early for you to say that". And yes you predicted it, she's right this time. Big slap on me. I had my first heartbreak which scarred me, but oh we all know that's infatuation, not love.

At this stage, I feel 'abnormal' as a teenager. Like I'm the lonely one amongst all the couples as I try my best to pretend that there's zero fucks given. Then again, what is the definition of a 'normal' teenager? But this is so wrong. This shouldn't be the reason why I'm looking forward to be in a relationship, yet this is part of the reason why. Oh no, I'm being desperate now. I know most of you are probably shaking your head in disapproval, but I understand. I know this is silly but I can't seem to deny and push these thoughts to the back of my head. Maybe this is just one of the phases I'm bound to experience so that I can grow and develop into an adult. But god damn it! This development is causing a hurricane in my brain lol. Alright, my brain is fried, I've tried my best to express myself, I'm going to have some milo for now.

What do you think about teenager love/infatuation?

Until next time.

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