It's Time To Make Changes

30/01/2018


I've been feeling so off lately when I think about this blog of mine. Uninspired, no more passion, and alot more indescribable feelings.

First of all, this is something that brings my confidence in writing down — my English. I'm fully aware that I'm not the smartest when it comes to English and grammar. I've never been the girl who scores straight As when it comes to writing essay and composition in class. It has never bothered me since Mandarin are the most used language in my life. But ever since I decided to take this blog seriously, these tiny things rises up and it's slowly consuming my passion in writing.

Well I guess part of me are also comparing myself to other bloggers unintentionally. Whilst reading their post, thoughts like "Damn they use really good words." "How did they manage to express themselves so well without emojis or whatsoever included in their post" would pop up. At the same time, these thoughts are like pest — you can't get rid of them completely, they appear whenever they want, and it feeds on your passion and close to zero confidence.

Whenever I think about the content I'm producing right now, it makes me downhearted. I feel useless as I'm not able to write useful posts that can provide advice to my readers like other blogger did. The thought of wanting to write such post always stop the moment I start writing them, because deep down inside I always question my own ability. "I myself am struggling in life, so who am I to even give advice?" I have so much to say, yet I feel that I can't express them well enough. And it sucks to know that I've been pouring all my negativity to yall on this blog though it wasn't my intention to do so. It's always me complaining about life and me sharing my problems. I'm always asking. Asking for advices, asking for comfort. But on the other hand, I fail to give you guys anything. I just want to apologize for that.

I'm not writing this post to ask for comfort. I know you guys are a bunch of kind souls who'd tell me it's normal for me to feel this way, or that it's okay to feel this way. But I also know that it's not always "take your time" for me because I'll just use it as an excuse to stay in my comfort zone. It's time for me to make some changes, it's time for me to throw away self-doubt. Homegirl is just gonna keep reminding herself "You're doing great girl, TYPE THOSE SHIT OUT GIRL". I'm definitely looking forward to writing content I enjoy reading!

Until next time, please take care of yourself and never forget that I love you!

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